Partying and travelling was the norm. It all started shortly after graduating and all I wanted to do was to move out and be independent. I found a job at a small firm, the salary was fine because I did not have a lot of responsibilities. I also had a lot of friends an wanted to comfortably keep up with their status. We would go out and tour the country and I would pay my bills comfortably.
The thought of moving out seemed easy to me. I would think of how I will pimp my house with all the interior ideas I had in my mind. I went ahead and bought the best kitchen utensils I could afford. One day decided to tell my parents about wanting to move out but they were against it. Their reason being I did not have what they would call a stable job. Living with my parents, I felt trapped and could not go out as often as I wanted.
I had lots of friends who I met through our travels and clubbing. I was a single ‘independent’ lady and comfortable with my job and friends. I loved it. Most of my friends were in their mid and late 20’s and were putting their lives together, getting married, having kids and having a decent home. Actually most of the weekends we would go for ruracio’s and party all weekend long.
One day I fell sick and was bedridden for a couple of weeks. That’s when I started realizing I didn’t have lots of friends as I thought. The first week I had lots of friends who visited me then the crowd reduced as days passed by. They got tired of visiting, calling and even texting. I didn’t want to burden my parents with my illness. After couple of weeks I got better and resumed to work.
One week after resuming back, the boss called me to his office and told me since the company was performing poorly, he will give me an option of cutting my salary by 50% or willingly resign. I opted for the obvious option. That evening I parked my stuff, said bye to my colleagues and that was my last working day.
I started calling my friends asking if they had heard of any vacancy and if they could help me out on a small business idea I had. They all said they were not in a position to help though they would inform me if they heard any and that would be the last conversation. Two weeks of being jobless made me feel the pressure. I had to eat and buy a lot of airtime to make calls and send job applications. With only an undergraduate certificate and little experience in the job market my chances were slim.
Life became hard for me. I had to cut my expenses so I minimized commuting expenses by walking or by waiting for off hours so as to cater for my food. Sometimes I would survive the whole day with one meal and lots of water. Life was no longer the same. All I thought were my friends who had deserted me. Sometimes I would call and they would not return my calls. I used money a friend had lend me to pay for rent and upkeep though it was not enough.
I was too proud to ask for help from my parents who were willing to help. I wanted to prove to them and myself that I could make them proud and that is by surviving without asking for financial help keeping in mind the guilt of moving out without informing them. One day my mum wanted to just see me so she called me for dinner. When she saw me her eyes were filled with tears because I was so skinny and pale. She kept asking me what’s going on and all I said is I was okay. She and I knew I was not okay. My face could tell it all.
The next month was the hardest. I hit rock bottom. I had no more money to collect for my ‘debtors’. That’s when I realized that looking for a job was a job by itself. I didn’t eat much and my health really deteriorated on a faster rate. One day my situation became really bad I had to borrow money from a friend to go to the hospital and I was diagnosed with really bad ulcers and had to be hospitalized. Now I had to inform my parents because I didn’t have enough money to get admitted.
My pride and ego almost cost my life. Now I know what the Bible means by everything has it’s own time. I was so impatient to gradually grow. I was too busy pleasing others. I was too mean to myself to accept help from home because I wanted to be independent. I now have to move back home. I don’t know if am mentally sane or am depressed. All I know is I am not in a good place mentally. I need to slow down.
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