Every time I wake up in the morning, I feel like I got this heavy load to carry. It is like I owe the world some explanation on who I am and what I want from this life.
Sometimes I end up planning on what to do even when I got nothing better to do. Here is the thing, I don’t like idling around. I would rather sit down on my not-so-cosy couch (Talk about the hustle life) and stare at the ceiling and think. Think about my life. Think about everything and anything that pops in my mind.
I just don’t get it.
This life is hard but I don’t like thinking about it that way. I love positive thinking, like how happy I am to see a new day but I just can’t escape the thought of how unfair life is. I know the last time I said someone asked me why am always thinking of how unfair life is. OK! the thing is am really trying to be positive but C’mon! we gotta face the reality sometimes..
I came back to Nairobi some time back and I was in this vehicle playing ‘Sudoku’ on my phone and a guy sitting next to me says hi. I shrug him off the first time because I assume he ain’t talking to me but he insists and on the second time I reply hello too.
“I see you playing Sudoku“. He says.
“Yeah, it’s a cool game.”
‘What level are you in?” It looked like he wanted us to talk all the way to Nairobi.
Am already so distracted at this point so I decide not to continue playing . I lock my phone and look outside the window. Already so pissed at this guy who has distracted my concentration. I still have one and a half hours to go before alighting in town. I sigh and sit back.
“Am Steve by the way..” He stretches his hand towards mine.
(Ok Seriously dude!! I thought we were done with the conversation??).
“Am Kithy. It’s a pleasure..“
There is no way I can avoid this conversation. After all I got a whole one and a half hours to go. I got nothing to loose so am just gonna sit and listen to what Steve wants.
He asks me if am still in school..working..what I do..too many questions. He tells me that he finished campus in 2013 and has been looking for a job since then. That interests me so I give him my undivided attention.
“I went to high school in Embu and attained a grade of B+ and that is when I was called to Moi university to pursue my dream course (I don’t rem the name of the course, it was a difficult name) He went on. My mum is a single mother and am the only child she got. She was so happy when she heard I had passed my high school examination. Up to date I cannot forget her glowing face that evening when I told her the good news. I vowed to make her proud from then. I would see the hustle she went through to pay for the school fees”
Listening to Steve made me realize all he needed was someone to listen to him. The way he talked about his mum made me feel ‘touched’. All I did was nod as I listened to him. I would see the lady sitting opposite us staring at him but that was not a problem..
“I made sure that if I go to Moi university I will work hard and get a job later on to sustain her and myself. Right now am on my way to Nairobi for an interview tomorrow morning. I want you to pray for me to get this job. Reason is I have been going to several interviews but never get a call back afterwards. I want to believe this is my job. From 2014 I have been looking for a job to no avail. I cannot even start my own business because I don’t have funds to help me start and my mom is not in a position to.”
I sat there and looked at Steve. I felt pity at him. He was sad and I wished I could help. I promised to pray for him to pass the interview.
It then hit me how this life is unfair. Steve passed his exams and all he wants is get a good job and give the mum a good life. Sometimes one even wonders what life really wants..Can’t life just offer him a job?
People have different problems. Steve is just one out of the many. I don’t know what happened later on but I hope he got the job. I left him with one word ‘Keep trusting God that everything is going to be well. He has good plans for you.’
I arrived at my place and as I was trying to settle in the house, one of my girlfriend calls me and tells me that she was in a public vehicle and the conductor just called her mama. This was one of her unusual calls. I would expect her to call me and tell me how her day was so hectic at work and how the boss is on her neck. She then says how life is unfair. I mean she has been going to the gym just to maintain her curvy body and the conductor just called her that. I laughed and told her to leave the conductor alone and to know it’s never that serious. He doesn’t even know you maa..Then she hangup.
I had already had enough for the day and I just don’t know who will ever try convince me that life is not unfair..but you know we all gotta stay positive and always hope for the best.