I stare at my white ceiling. The white ceiling that has huge brown spots due to the rain licking inside. It’s staring back at me. Does it ever get tired? My mind hits back to how many times I have had to consult the caretaker. It’s like am usually preaching to him and he never seems to understand what am saying. It has now become a daily habit to always remind him I need my ceiling fixed. Few months down the line, still nothing. At this point I feel like giving up and just leaving this house completely. I have had enough already.
My eyes shift to this wall crack next to my bed. Ooh God! What kind of life is this? Is this what I am bound to pass through so as to know how hard life is? I shake my head and think that the next time the caretaker comes I will ask for the landlords number. Here the possibility will be 50-50. He might give me the number or assume my question. Basically my plea will have gone up like hot air. I just look at the crack and hope that one day it will not crack and bury me in. God Forbid. At this time I only need God to see me through.
Could it be a punishment for not going to church? I don’t know….
Yes, it’s Sunday. I have been snoozing my 6.30AM alarm for the past one hour and now it’s 7.30AM. Still in bed just staring and not thinking about anything. It’s a day of rest. My day of rest.
I should sleep for some few hours and maybe wake up at eleven. I think.
Uhmm, Noo, let me sleep and wake up at two in the afternoon. After all I got a long day!
I yawn and pull my blankets back together.
When I was young my Mama always ensured Sundays were days to go to church. No excuse whatsoever. I miss those days. No wait, am not sure whether I miss them because I did not have an option of whether to go or not go to church or because I loved going to Church. I was taught that God is good and he loves me. I also remember that am created in his image. The sunday school songs we sang and recited bible verses from any chapter of the Bible. If only I could take back time!
The warmth of the blankets make me just want to sleep all day and for the rest of the week. I start cursing how I dread Mondays and how Sundays should have twenty eight hours. Who doesn’t love Sundays? It’s all about resting, catching up and going to church. The only problem with me is that am not sure whether the ‘Going to church’ option works for me. At this time, It’s like I have been glued to my bed. I don’t want to get out of there. I day-dream and before I know it am out!!
From my sleep, I hear my phone ring. Seriously who could this be? I do not pick. I let it go silent and after a few minutes, it starts ringing again. As sleepy as I am, I now pick the phone. It’s my cousin calling. I can already foresee what she wants to tell me. On friday we had talked and she had asked me to take her to visit a friend of hers along Thika road and had told her I will get back to her but I didn’t.
I receive the call.
“Hi dear, Sasa” She says.
“I was asking kama utanipeleka kuona beshte yangu?” She asks.
(I was asking whether you will take me go see a friend of mine?)
“Uhmm. Am not sure ju ata niko bed nimelala. Let me call you in a few nikiamka.”
(Uhmm. Am not sure because am in bed sleeping. Let me call you in a few once am awake.)
She agrees to that. If anyone has interacted with me you will realize how lazy I am in calling. So I will probably just text her whether I will take her or not. At this time, my sleep is gone. I dread every time a call comes in when am sleeping because that means either struggling to get back to sleep or just let go. I lazily crawl out of my bed and sit up.
I start questioning myself.
What harm will it do to take her? After all I have the whole afternoon..
How about I attend the evening mass in church today?
Can I tell her to postpone her visit?
Postponing will not work. The friend already knows she will be going. So I text my cousin saying I will take her. It’s 12 PM already. Where does time fly to on Sundays? We propose to meet in town so that we go together from there. As I stare outside from the bus I boarded, I see the church I go to. I can not tell the last time I was there. God have mercy!
My aim is to attend the evening mass after we are done with the visit. I just hope I will make it. We meet and go. By now it’s 2 PM. I do my math, we will probably be at the friends’ place at approximately 3PM. This means I will have one hour to relax and eat of course, then the next hour go to town and be in church. Totally no time left!
By the time we arrive, we are all so tired. As I sit down, am thinking of the little amount of time I have. What am I going to do? I let that slip away. Let me first relax. It’s funny how time is moving fast. I think of a way to handle this and my mind tells me next week is another Sunday and I can go to church then. Yes, it’s a nice idea since am already so tired. And that’s how I let time slip away. Am now relaxed and in no hurry to leave neither is my cousin. Actually the stories they are talking are so entertaining and I wouldn’t want to miss a bit of it. Who doesn’t love gossip?
I look at my watch. It’s now five heading to six in the evening. Tomorrow is Monday. Damn how I dread Mondays. We prepare to leave. Another Sunday I have not gone to church. I convince myself that next Sunday is a must. Maybe If I go to church, the caretaker will listen to what I say to him. Maybe when I go to church, the huge brown spots on my ceiling will disappear and my wall will not crack again. I even go ahead and write a reminder on my phone.
I need someone to take me to church. I need someone to set my alarm and disable the snooze option. I need someone to help me focus. I need someone to help me pray.
Please, take me to church..